There are a lot of things that I consider life-altering.
Travel is an exceptionally life-altering experience, it takes away the edge of things. I’m not sure if it should be classified as something that helps you run from your problems, or something that helps you make decisions. I’ve found lately it can be both. Some things get presented in a different way while you have time to relax, and think it over. Sometimes it’s the decision that has been the hardest to make, or the one that you didn’t want to make that you now feel settled with in concluding the idea of it.
Other times you run, and don’t let it enter your mind until you return. And then BAM, it hits you like a head on car wreck the minute you see the familiar landscape. Can’t run forever, can you?
I find it interesting how much heartache a human goes through in their life. Losing a friend, unexpectedly. Worrying about the backwards notions the doctor makes, but tells you not to worry about it. The rejection that haunts every single one of us. Day and night. What will they say if you pour your heart out? Is it worth it? Why even dwell? In a year from now things will be so different that this “thing” that’s got you so wound up will be a fragment of the life you lead now. And yet, it still gets to us. And we have to get out. We have to just pick up and get the fuck away from it all to clear our head.
“Clearing your head.” What a euphemism the phrase. Clearing. Are you really? Are you honestly brain gardening or are you still constantly replaying that scratched record. Your absolute favorite part of the song and it just keeps skipping, skipping, skipping, until the memory doesn’t even seem real anymore. Did you dream it? Will it ever make you feel again the way it made you feel when you lived it in real time? Probably not, but you replay it anyway. Hoping to recollect the emotions and the way it made your heart pitter patter.
And just seeing things in a different way. Unplugged. Tilting your head up at the stars, rather than down at your screen. Who knew there were so many when all the lights are turned off? Or the scenery that you drive to see, and breathe in deeply as if clean air really has a scent. Let those pupils dilate to take it all in. And you try to remember it forever. But we remember people better: inside jokes, things that made you laugh, personable situations with a stranger in the power bar section of the grocery store, the douche with the guitar that can’t write a lyric with a gun to his head. But he thinks his song is really good. What the hell is a “guitar-lele”?
Why do we remember things better with people in them? The feeling of that sun roof, and the song, and the sights all blended together to put a smile on your face. But if you were all alone, you’re left with that damn record again. You replay things, you talk to yourself, you THINK. With others in the mix, it’s organic, it helps you forget the things you wanted to leave way back there hundreds of miles away. The problems that take a 7 hour train ride to return to.
And it’s amazing, and you feel so good being away that you don’t really want to go back to all the shit. But you have to. You’re an adult after all. Bills need money to pay for them, money must be made. So you greet your problems hoping the euphoria of your getaway will help. Fat. Chance. No. Way. They don’t smile at your sunburn, they slap it.
And though it all may seem bleak and sad, what I’m saying, it’s just life and you have to laugh at how it makes you fall flat on your face sometimes. It makes you swallow your pride and say, “well shit you’re right life. You got me on that one.” It makes you learn, even though you think you’re good the way you are, without that thing you wanted to just sweep under the rug.
So you suck it up, buttercup. And you make those decisions in the end. And you don’t feel great, but there’s always another getaway that you can take. Just not right now. That’s the part that really gets you, every time. You come back and make your bed, and then you want to sell that bed and get back in the car. But not until you feel secure in the road you chose. Because otherwise you’ll get lost.
That’s the boat I’m in folks. Or car, or train, or whatever. But I’m gaining life experience, leveling up at this game. And yeah, to be honest, it sucks sometimes. But it just means that those little things that get presented to you must be cherished. The feelings you feel in the moment must be documented, and really lived. Because it could end in an instant. Your life can change all at once, which is usually how it goes. You could get that reality check that things aren’t going to continue, or that life is short, or that the thing you’ve been ignoring could bite you in the ass. It happens, that’s life. You have to laugh at the curveballs. But don’t ever think it’s all for nothing.
There’s a lesson in it all. Just listen to it, and don’t talk back. Just listen.