I’m happy to say I’m back at this. I’m back at writing things down for you to see, to read, to inquire. I am the type that finds a dark cloud over my head when my day isn’t filled with a million things. I am swallowed whole. I am devoured. I am drowned in the pitiful self that sits on the couch eating sunflower seeds,watching Ace of Cakes wondering what the hell I’m doing with myself. I spit on my existence when I do that. And although I don’t see anything wrong with being a homebody, I enjoy my adventures as much as the next Dian Fossey fanatic.
I’ve been doing that for a while. Too long. I became toxic and almost ruined a relationship I really care about. So I started thinking. And then I started reading. A lot. I started reading the Manson Murder case, going into gruesome detail of how and who and what killed Sharon Tate and her friends, The LaBiancas, and Gary Hinman. Why yes it does get hard sleeping after reading that, but its good. It’s really good. Then I started reading something a little more cheery. A little more motivating. You Are A Badass was the book everyone was talking about. Countless friends were opening up that bright yellow cover in front of me ALL THE TIME. I started seeing it everywhere at bookstores. It’s like it was calling to me. I’ve only had one other experience like that with a book and it was “The Dalai Lama’s Cat”. I must say, when your eyes are drawn to it countless times…read it. Because you secretly really really want to, and chances are you’ll love it like I did. “So I smiled like Mona Lisa, and I laid my Visa down…” and I bought the damn thing! I have to say. EXTREMELY MOTIVATING. It makes you want to go out there and do anything and everything you want to in life without thinking of trying to be the logical girl who knows she shouldn’t. It tells you to take chances, to stop doubting your ability that you do something and just do it already!
So photography. Now we all know how much I rave about it but have never really done much about it. I mean, yeah, I take pictures here and there but do I ever sell anything? Do I ever hone my craft? Do I buy the necessary tools to get better and really spend my time wisely rather than seeing what will happen to The Monster in the next episode of Penny Dreadful? (Damn good series by the way) Well, if you think I’ve been just a busy little worker bee you’re wrong…because I’ve been lazy and the answer to all those questions is a big fat bag of NO’s. And I can’t do that anymore! None of us have the time to be lazy. None of us have the time to sit and watch a full season of anything in the middle of the day, and if we do have the time then something is reeeally wrong (unless you like doing that sort of thing. Then do yo thang binge watcher). You Are A Badass showed me that even though I’m not amazing RIGHT NOW doesn’t mean I can’t get amazing. The life I want to live is out there being lived by people and for that I’m insanely jealous of them. But why am I jealous? Why am I selling myself short? I could be doing that! It’s not like I’m not smart. It’s not like I don’t have the drive, or the passion, or the availability. It’s because I’m too lazy. But I tell you what ladies and gents, today starts a new page. A new chapter. A new revolution of what I’m going to achieve with the time I have. I’m going to spend as much effort as I possibly can in becoming a really good photographer. I’m decent now, I think anyway, which is all fine and good but I mean pro. I mean high society type shit. I’m going to do everything in my power to really fine tune this passion of mine and use it for good.
I will go to school in 23 days and start my Anthropology degree at the University of Utah. And with that, my love for animals, my want for a better world and higher awareness for conservation, and my (hopefully) amazing photography skills by the time my degree is done, I am going to set out to make this earth, and our home, a better place. I don’t know about National Geographic (even though I would KILL to be one of their photographers) but maybe some sort of awareness through research, and photography. Some sort of thing that helps the animals that are suffering. I want to work with Gorillas and Orangutans, and shoot photographs of them and maybe show people a different side to things. Not happy photographs, but the ones people find hard to see. The ones that show the most struggle and heartache. Maybe then people will start making things better. Very similar to NatGeo, I suppose. Hell. Maybe I will work for them some day. Who knows, right? To a bright bright future my dear readers! Onward and Upward I say!